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3D films featuring 1D plots.

So, if you spend you days living isolated and alone in a cave, then to you I say; Hermits Union local 207, represent! You may also have not noticed that the Phantom Menace is being re-released in theaters. Actually all of the Star Wars prequels are getting re released in three whole glorious dimensions. I suppose I could go and prattle on endlessly about how 3D films are a huge pile of shit. Alternately we could take a while to get into just how bad the Phantom Menace really is. However, I've already done all that, and other people have done it better. The problem is that the prequels have long ago exhausted my ability to rant about just how bad a film can be.There's really nothing I could say about slopping on one more stupid gimmick onto a movie that's already 114% pure gimmick. It's like someone threatening to shit on your giant pile of shit. Go ahead, it's an ever so slightly larger pile of shit. Is this enough to finally murder off the last of the epic Majesty that was Star Wars?




Yes.

Yes, it most definitely is.

Oh man. Oh shit. The Jar Jar! The visions! The visions are returning! The horror! Quick! Save me internet geeks! You're my only hope!



Oh, thank Bob. That's much better. The Phantom Menace flashbacks are subsiding again. Why did I even show that? I've sacrificed far too many of my sparse few neurons with that move. I guess what I'm trying to say, what I'm really trying to get across here. Is that George Lucas already received two, TWO tickets worth of money from me for this shlock, he's not getting a third run at the box office trough. I was in shock after the first viewing. I think we all were. It's been long enough now that I hope that we, as movie going theater patrons have learned a little, have moved on, and won't be so easily fooled by the dark side. Hmmmm. We need a little more awesome in here. All this bad mouthing Star Wars, in makes me feel blasphemous.

I call upon you again geeks of the hyper net! Make Star Wars cool again!




Excellent.

posted by davethecat @ 07 Feb 2012 10:59 am  -  0 Comments

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