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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Well, I ran out of paper. Not a single sheet of any imaginable type of paper left in the house. Slightly annoying, but a downright pain in the ass since its been a nose hair shattering -30 here all week (that's about the same in fahrenheit and Celsius, and something we see for about a day every other year in the middle of winter... not November.)

Generally when ones lips freeze together, one starts to think about bugging out someplace a little warmer, however that means a trip on an airplane, and more importantly, an almost unavoidable layover in the U.S. of A. If you've ever been on an airplane, most significantly in the last decade, then you're familiar with the painfully obvious fact that 'airport security' has slightly less to do with effective security then pumpernickel. The T.S.A. has feverishly devoted itself to ensuring that there is as much irrelevant and illogical parading around as possible in the name of security, to make you think that there must actually be some security around somewhere.. it's just that there isn't. Take off your shoes, throw out your water bottle, make it to second base behind the curtain and... yeah, this doesn't do shit. The simple truth is that the entire operation is a useless song and dance number to give the impression of security. It's just like how a huge percentage of the security sensors and C.C. cameras in retail stores aren't even plugged in, as the psychological impact of them is vastly more effective then the devices themselves. However the T.S.A. hasn't stopped or even slowed down its unrelenting march to stupid town, making the useless screening process and procedures even more invasive, dehumanizing, and outright dangerous. Dangerous? Oh yeah, the full body scanners that are going in everywhere are not only blatantly ineffective at what they're theoretically supposed to do, they give off enough radiation the ensure a 100% chance of inducing cancer within the population (not everyone, but a guaranteed percentage.) Frankly stories like this aren't helping ether. This bullocks is still just smoke and mirrors that doesn't improve the already disgustingly low chance of security actually stopping something (in the unlikely event something should actually happen, because flying is exponentially safer now for wholly unrelated reasons then it ever was in the 20th century... there is just a shortage of collective memory about it.) Here's Adam Savage to regale us with just how well this works.

I'm not security expert mind you, I'm just a guy, an artist that has gone through airport security with strange things numerous times. I have just happened to find it odd that a bottle of juice and flip flops are a major security risk but no one has batted an eye at, say... oddly shaped, tightly wrapped, football sized, x-ray opaque objects... bags of unlabelled, mysterious, x-ray opaque, coloured fine powder... shotgun shell sized solid metal cylinders... tools that look like a Martian torture set... a propane torch (no gas)... Pretty well every time I fly I've rehearsed how it is I'm going to explain this weird junk in the small screening room off to the side, but so long as I don't forget to leave my nail clippers in my carry on, it's cool, no worries. If you'd like a thorough look into the uselessness and irrationality of it all, I highly recommend reading this.

It is somewhat sad that you need to be extremely creative to come up with ways it could be worse.

One more thing, if anyone happens to know how you could possibly overpower hundreds of terrified, desperate people fighting for their lives with a pair of nail clippers, I'd love to hear it. I just physically can't come up with a single scenario there. ...you could probably do a better job with the shoeless overgrown toenails you're left with.

I think I'll just get out a scarf.

posted by davethecat @ November 24th, 2010, 3:38 pm  -  0 Comments


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