The Asylum Heights comic experience. Asylum Heights is a satirical work of fiction, any resemblance to any people or institution living, dead or imagined is purely coincidental.
Asylum Heights, the online graphic novel experience; chronicling the quixotic misadventures of a group of stoned bohemian anarchists as they bumble through space, time and parallel dimensions with a decrepit apartment building
As you may have surmised, I've seen the Phantom Menace recently. Not in the mythical third dimension mind you, just video. A screening that took over three hours due to my ranting about each scene taking longer then the scenes themselves. Serious, can anyone give me a single motivation for the actions of the Trade Federation? Having re-watched it, I do have to concede that there are two cool bits to it. Darth Maul, who maintains respectability with a clever use of no dialogue, and about nine minutes of screen time, eight of which are fight sequences, and the remainder is posing. The other is Pod Racing. I've gotta say, if you just cut out all of the irrelevant padding, the little kid jokes, all of the moronic NASCAR in space stuff, and edited it down to a third of its run time, you have a really neat video game cinematic.
Besides that, I figured I need to go watch some better movies, cleanse my palette if you will. So I headed over to the Internet Movie Database, and looked up their list of 250 Best Movies of All Time. My plan was simply to go through the list, make note of every film I haven't seen yet, and go watch them. Unfortunately... it turns out I've actually already watched them all. Aside for a couple of older films I haven't seen simply because they're out of publication and can't just go watch them, and the Black Swan, which came out a year ago and I haven't gotten around to it yet. So, am I particularly cultured? Or do I just have no life and watch way too many movies? Considering how many of the WORST films ever made I've seen, it's definitely the latter.
So, as someone who watches, by far way, way too many movies, I have a complaint with the list. Rather I have many complaints with what ranked what. The Lion King was a good movie, I really liked it, sometimes I sing "be prepared" to myself, but was it a better movie then Brazil, which didn't make the list? Not a chance. Forget about the ridiculously high position for movies like The Shawshank Redemption and Avatar. I'll concede that Avatar is technically and visually interesting, replace the entire scrip, and it may be a decent film. So, right now, off the top of my head, and in no particular order, (the sequence I thought of them in, I'd have to go watch them all again to be more exact) what I, personally, would consider to be the 100 best movies ever made. Make them whatever list order you feel comfortable with.
I'm headin' down the Atlanta highway, lookin' for the love getaway; Headed for the love getaway. I got me a car, it's as big as a whale, and we're headin' on down to the Love Shack. I got me a Chrysler, it seats about 20, so hurry up and bring your jukebox money!
However, for those of you currently having minor troubles managing to squeeze through those tiny internetting tubes, have no worries. Be happy. For you see, as I'm tinkering around with some things back stage, I though I'd take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince, of a town called Bel-Air. No, sorry, off track; I wanted to take a minute, to share with you my favorite band of the last week. You may ask why, and to that I say: "Superheroes." So let's take a look at (Australia's Daft Punk?) Art Vs. Science.
So, if we take a look at the music video for Magic Fountain, not only are we greeted with some awesome beats, and one of the coolest music videos I've seen in decades, we get to see the very superpower that I have spent my life hoping for. The ability to spontaneously control groups of people with the awesome power of music. Though, the ability to top off the ol' life force is a rather pleasant plus. A spot of icing on the cake.
However a single example is never satisfying. After all, there would appear to be a theme of including some of the most potentially awesome super powers ever. Little adjustments to reality that are far more innovative than anything Marvel/D.C. comes up with. So, let's take a peek at what else we here at the Asylum Heights Institute of Awesome Shit, have been debating as to their best potential superpower.
Physically Transcendental Mimes?
(Here's a hint for the French, it's something I would say.)
Or is it something more, in between?
Come on now people, give these guys and awards for not sucking. Actually, that gives me an idea! Brainstorm Hurricane Class 3! Let's scrap the Nobel Prize for economics, that's a rather silly category. Rather, in its stead, we could have the Nobel Prize for Awesomeness. Every year, a prize for whoever makes the greatest strides and contributions in the scientific discipline of Awesome.
Alright, so I'm not going to go see the Star Wars prequels, even if they claim to have added two whole new dimensions. However, thanks to the hard work and dedication of hard working and dedicated internet-tube hydrologists, they may have found a way to turn things around. You see, everything depends on context. Let's take a look ...
Yeah, I'd shell out sixteen bucks to see that in hydrogenated-cranial immersion-o-vision or whatever is hip with the theaters this week.
There is a small handful of games that I really, really, almost desperately want. Not games I want to go buy, I would have done that, rather games I want to exist. Like a Platonian perfect abstraction, I have dreamt the consummate game set for me, and have been biding my time for someone with the resources and talent to make them for me. I thought Spore was going to be one of those, only to be let down by the greatest disappointment since The Phantom Menace.
So why bring this up? Because I get highly excited when I believe someone out there in the great big world of ours has managed to fill one of those spots.
... and we're getting rather close to the release of Lollipop Chainsaw. I know there have been games like this before, but they never quite got it. Now just look at that, it's already getting censored. With just the right combination of cute, funny, sexy and horrifically violent... this could be it. Like it was built for my breed of lethargic narcissistic megalomania! After all, love means knowing when to cut your boyfriend's head off with a chainsaw.
In other news...
The first pages of Heroes, Demons and Lunatics, will begin later THIS WEEK. So that's something. The ancient Davelandian gods of lost time have been hampering my progress. However when my progress gets hampered, I unhamper it, I wash it, dry it, and carefully fold my progress back into the shoe closet of life!
Now for something unrelated, here's Batman getting eaten by a giant hotdog.
Over here at Asylum Heights we don't just like to post links to Star Wars. I also care deeply for comics. Sometimes even going so far as to provide newcomics. It's therefore inevitable that I'm going to spend some time over the next few months to prattle on about the unrelenting train wreck of D.C. Comics. Train wreck? Oh, did you hear about the upcoming Watchmen prequels? Yes, that is a real thing. Armed with the cash cow, money printing duo of Superman (the original, most iconic, best known superhero) and Bat Man (showing us that a modern, rodent themed, masked version of Sir. Arthur Conan Doyle is the coolest thing possible) they've been able to make any bizarre move or misstep unscathed. Like this latest relaunch mess about hyper sexualizing key characters. Choosing to alienate millions of young female fans with ready disposable cash, in order to create more wank bank material for, well, jerks like me... and I don't BUY comics for that reason. I think the big complaint I have with D.C. is they owe their success more to the likes of Paul Dini then to anything they themselves have done.
So, let's talk about the new D.C. logo.
For a company that's been reinventing itself for eighty years its had a good run of emblems, and I wouldn't fault them for sprucing things up periodically. Check them out. Personally, I think the 1974-2005 logo is the hands down winner. Perhaps a bit of nostalgia is creeping in for the one I grew up with; However, as a graphic, bold, simple design it had a really good balance. It took the classic motif they've been using since the 40's and punched it up with great graphic design fundamentals. It also looks like the Converse Allstar logo, so that's cool. Then, after the longest run of any of them, D.C. changed it. For years now I've wondered what the underlying message was when they incorporated the cartoon iconography for having been wholloped in the head around their persona. Was it a cry for help? Perhaps... did you look at the NEW logo?
We in the Royal Daveland Society for Over-analyzing Things No One Cares About would like to put forwards our thoughts on the two main changes made. The first is abandoning the traditional elements of the D.C. stamp. All of the emblem variations from 1940-2012 have a central 'DC' surrounded by a circle. When creating a logo you want it to represent the nature of what it's representing as best a possible, so with an old company, say one that has been a long standing institution in the industry, you want to reflect that. Think about the differences between advertising heavyweights Coke and Pepsi; Coke is the older company and wants to associate itself more with history tradition, whereas Pepsi, a much younger company uses that to it's advantage by taking a more 'young, hip, fresh' approach. So knowing that little tidbit it's obvious why Pepsi takes much more liberties with their logo design. With the '05 D.C. redesign, there was a significant change in aesthetic direction while keeping a clear line of reflection to the earlier icons. It's not to say that this is how it should be, but if you're going to make significant changes and forgo that easy historic/nostalgia advantage, there should be a good reason.
The second problem is the why. With the complete relaunch of all their major titles it's an easy given that a new D.C. comics logo would be part of that. Yet I cannot fathom why they would choose the one they did. It's kind of a big deal to decide on the face of your corporate identity. As a logo it's less legible, more complex, and doesn't really say anything about the company. So, the 'D' is peeling back, so, it's like a book? Does it reference the notion that they still publish tangible books in a increasing digital world? Or are they switching to a full time sticker company? I don't get it. It just strikes me as a very lazy design, the sort of thing an amateur graphic designer would shit out in photoshop for a small internet start up. That's exactly what it looks like, an internet company logo. Those candy colours, the photoshop gradients, exactly the same style as online offerings. Mostly because these companies exists in a world of pixels and numbers. It's a good thing they don't have to print their logo on a million physical graphic magazines every month! ...oh. Right. Yeah.
So, if you spend you days living isolated and alone in a cave, then to you I say; Hermits Union local 207, represent! You may also have not noticed that the Phantom Menace is being re-released in theaters. Actually all of the Star Wars prequels are getting re released in three whole glorious dimensions. I suppose I could go and prattle on endlessly about how 3D films are a huge pile of shit. Alternately we could take a while to get into just how bad the Phantom Menace really is. However, I've already done all that, and other people have done it better. The problem is that the prequels have long ago exhausted my ability to rant about just how bad a film can be.There's really nothing I could say about slopping on one more stupid gimmick onto a movie that's already 114% pure gimmick. It's like someone threatening to shit on your giant pile of shit. Go ahead, it's an ever so slightly larger pile of shit. Is this enough to finally murder off the last of the epic Majesty that was Star Wars?
Yes.
Yes, it most definitely is.
Oh man. Oh shit. The Jar Jar! The visions! The visions are returning! The horror! Quick! Save me internet geeks! You're my only hope!
Oh, thank Bob. That's much better. The Phantom Menace flashbacks are subsiding again. Why did I even show that? I've sacrificed far too many of my sparse few neurons with that move. I guess what I'm trying to say, what I'm really trying to get across here. Is that George Lucas already received two, TWO tickets worth of money from me for this shlock, he's not getting a third run at the box office trough. I was in shock after the first viewing. I think we all were. It's been long enough now that I hope that we, as movie going theater patrons have learned a little, have moved on, and won't be so easily fooled by the dark side. Hmmmm. We need a little more awesome in here. All this bad mouthing Star Wars, in makes me feel blasphemous.
I call upon you again geeks of the hyper net! Make Star Wars cool again!
Here's a little something from the Animation Workshop to show us all what television should be like. Why is it that joke pilots are better then real ones? How do I change this? Mother Mustang, what must I do! Answer me!
Space Stallions!
And be sure to download the kick ass song. Just in case you happen to run into a TV producer while you happen to be washing the vomit stains out of your best novelty kapri clown pants.
